Monday, April 03, 2006

April Fools Fun

Christian and I wrote a newspaper column that was axed by our dear editor (I don't blame him, he has to keep us in line now and again). It was supposed to run on April Fools Day, and we had so much fun writing it - I was laughing so hard I was crying when we wrote it. Since we couldn't run it in the paper, I sent it out as a newsletter to our Daly's email list.

Here is is:

Dear Robin and Christian -
Over the years my wife and I have developed different collections; my wife passionately collects orca whale figurines while I like to display the trophies from my hunting expeditions. How can we best display our two collections in the same family room?
- Bud and Starr (the second R is silent)

Robin: Consider a Surf and Turf theme. Think of your room in terms of the eco system. Visually divide the room to represent the different layers of the earth: start with an ocean blue shag carpet to represent the water; If you have hardwood floors, consider an area rug in the shape of a whale. There are many custom rug artisans who can make one to your specifications. The closer to life-sized, the better. This will help balance out the scale of the heads that will be mounted above, on the walls.

Christian: When choosing paint colors, paint everything from the floor to the wainscoting in blues and greens. Above this, paint the chair rail red to represent the transition from cold-blooded to warm-blooded mammals. Paint everything above the chair rail brown to represent the **** you scared out of the last deer you shot.

Robin: The ceilings should be faux painted with white fluffy clouds.

Christian: This room presents many opportunities for fun accessorizing: First and foremost, don't forget the antler chandelier. A classic touch that no trophy room should be without. This will also come in handy during the holidays when you can hang orca ornaments from the different antlers of the light fixture for a festive look.

Robin: If you are feeling crafty, have lampshades made out of camouflage fabric and glue-gun spent shell cartridges around the base of the lampshade for a homey touch.

Christian: Make sure to display her Orca figurines in the lower half of the room. Get a hold of some Greenpeace t-shirts or flags and have them made into throw pillows for the sofa. These colors will contrast nicely with the camouflage accents you've already established.

Robin: Of course we suggest large overstuffed furniture to pull the whole room together. As you can see, this room will really make a statement and allow you and your wife to enjoy each others collections for years to come.

Christian: Don't forget to vacuum the animal trophies on a regular basis. And invest in a good shag rake for the carpet!

Robin: Thanks for your question, we really love to hear from you. We take your design questions very seriously, and answer them all to the best of our ability.

Christian: Did you really think WE were serious? If haven't guessed already - this is our nod to April Fools Day. Have a great day and if you are looking at combining orca figurines and hunting trophies - quite honestly interior design should be the last thing on your list of things to be concerned about!

There must be many people who have as poor taste and judgment as I - I have gotten more positive responses to the article than most other things we have written!